This thought has been swirling through my brain a lot the last few days. So, I decided I had to write about it, if for no other reason than to get rid of the phrase! “I am envious of people who laugh easily, sincerely and often.”
I am not a laugher. I must have been at some point, but I can’t remember it. I figure that means at LEAST 50 years of laughter disability. I don’t lack a sense of humor, I just don’t laugh naturally easily. I know there are folks who can sound like they are laughing but that it isn’t real. It reminds me a bit of small talk. I am not good at small talk either. Which is probably why I don’t like parties where I don’t know too many people. If I am going to a party, I want to know the people so that when we talk, it is powerful. Small talk and insincere laughter seem like a waste to me, of time, energy, good words, good laughter.
I have friends who laugh easily and often. Their laughter is sincere and contagious, and it bubbles from deep within. I love hearing them laugh! I love having their laughter infect me to the point that I laugh! My oldest daughter laughs easily, honestly, often, infectiously. It is a gift she received from her father. He laughs honestly too! She laughs because the joy of life just catches her that way. She laughs because living is joyous and fun. Her students love her because she laughs easily. I love hearing her laugh as it just bubbles up from deep within.
I laugh honestly, just not often nor easily. I have taken life seriously for a very long time. And somewhere along the journey, when I realized that I was envious of those who laughed easily and often, I discovered I owned a “laughter disability.” There are times when I laugh hard, but silently ~ like it hurts my ears to hear myself laugh. There are friends with whom I laugh. I love these times. But while I may have a “laughter disability” I love hearing the laughter in others. Listening to my daughter’s laughter floating up to me, listening to my other daughters’ laughter and my son’s, is such lovely music. If I don’t witness it, acknowledge it, give it meaning, envy it ~ somehow, if I don’t, it won’t exist. So while I may not laugh as often nor as easily as others, I bear witness to it, bringing it into existence. I appreciate the music it wrings from the air and the soul.
Perhaps it isn’t envy then that I feel, but respect, honor, gratitude. I will have to change the message in my head from, “I am envious of people who laugh easily, sincerely, and often” to “I respect, honor, and appreciate people who laugh easily, sincerely, and often.”
If laughter comes easily, sincerely, and often to you, share it. Be sure that you bear witness to your own laughter and joy and that you share that too.
Is there something you “envy” in others? Perhaps your appreciation of it is needed to bring forth the life of that which you envy simply by acknowledging it?